Red Dye 44, and other pranks
by KS-fan
Summary: Scott and Kurt decide to get revenge on the Brotherhood for getting them arrested. My first attempt at X Men humor, and the result of reading too many Red Witch fics.


Hey. The inspiration for this fic came from reading about one hundred and fifty Red Witch fics, and a recent disaster with Herbal Essences Hair Dye. Plus, I really liked that last episode, No Good Deed.  
  
I own nothing. Marvel owns all. Except those awful Herbal Essences commercials, I think Herbal Essences owns those.  
  
Red Dye #44 and Other Pranks  
  
'Like the eye of a hurricane, the only peaceful spot left in the whole mansion is right smack dab in the middle of it,' Scott mused from his place on the rec room couch. He was currently kicking back with his feet up and watching Comedy Central, all the while trying *very* hard to forget his little incarceration a few days prior.  
  
No such luck. "Hey, how's it hangin', jailbird?" Kurt teased as he ported into the room with a cloud of deep blue smoke.  
  
Scott scoffed at him, still pouting over the incident. "Shut up Kurt. I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Oh, come on. It's not *that* bad," Kurt commented as he took a seat next to his fellow teammate. "I mean, we got cleared of all the charges, and the Brotherhood will be getting theirs pretty soon, what with the investigation and all."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Scott pouted, having given up the hope of being alone. "It just seems like- like *we* should be doing something to get them back. After all, we were the ones who got humiliated. Not to mention that little stain on our permanent records."  
  
"I smell a pra-ank!" Kurt sang with a grin.  
  
"Well--- I don't know. Maybe we *should* just leave it to the authorities---"  
  
"You are *way* too strait arrow, man!" Kurt whined. "C'mon, you said it yourself, *we* should be the ones who get back at them. It will be fun!"  
  
"Well, maybe---"  
  
"It will strengthen our team!" Kurt cried, really selling the idea now. "Working together against a common enemy!"  
  
"Well--- if it strengthens the team---" Scott rubbed his forehead. "Did you have anything in mind?"  
  
Just then, a commercial for Herbal Essences came on the TV, complete with the 'screaming woman in heat' going wild over her shampoo in the middle of a courtroom. "Don't you just hate these commercials?" Kurt commented. "I was watching TV with Kitty yesterday, and one of these came on. It was really awkward. Besides, no woman reacts that way to shampoo. I think. The whole thing's just--- Scott? What?"  
  
Kurt watched in alarm as an almost sinister smile grew on Scott's face. "Oh man," he said with a laugh. "I just got the greatest idea---"  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
"Are you sure you're not following too close?"  
  
"For Pete's sake, Kurt!" Scott sighed. "If I get any further back we're going to lose them!" The pair were currently in the front seat of Scott's beloved car, hot on the trail of Lance's big green jeep. "Do you have the kit ready?"  
  
"Right here," Kurt said, holding up a white plastic bag.  
  
"Good. Hang on they're turning into the video store." Scott hung a left into the parking lot of an adjoining McDonalds, so as not to draw attention to his car. "Ready Kurt?"  
  
"Ready. Hey, can we get some burgers after this? I'm hungry."  
  
"Kurt, will you stop thinking about your stomach?" Scott sighed. "Just port up to the roof and wait for them to come out, Ok?"  
  
Kurt nodded. "Sure thing. I was just saying, you know, *after* we were done getting the Brotherhood back, we could look into picking up a little snack, and we are right in the parking lot of a Mc---"  
  
"Just *go*!" Scott ordered, and Kurt ported away in a puff of blue smoke. He reappeared crouched in the shadows on the video store roof, just over the door. Scott flashed him a thumbs up sign and Kurt signaled back.  
  
Leaning back his seat and fiddling with the radio, Scott smiled to himself. Nothing left to do but kick back and wait for revenge.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
"Well *that* was a huge waste of our time," Pietro muttered as the Brotherhood left the video store. "All the good stuff is always taken."  
  
"Oh yeah, and what were we gonna do instead, yo?" Toad smirked. "You have an appointment to stare at yourself in the mirror again, Pietro?"  
  
"Yeah Pietro, as strange as it may sound, I think Toad might actually be--- hey!" Lance cried. "There's something in my hair!"  
  
None of the Brotherhood noticed the blue, demon-like creature teleporting into the front seat of the little red sports car speeding out of the neighboring parking lot.  
  
"Wait!" Toad broke in. "You were about to say 'Toad might be right!' Come on Lance, finish that sentence! I don't think anyone's ever said that before in my life!"  
  
"Shut up, Toad!" Lance yelped. "There's some kind of gross goo on my head!"  
  
"Maybe a pigeon pooped on you," Fred suggested.  
  
"Eww!" Pietro cried. "Stay away from me! I don't want any pigeon poop to get on my new shirt."  
  
"It is *not* pigeon poop!" Lance growled. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced at it. "It's - It's *purple*!"  
  
"You know, I think I one time heard about this place where big globs of purple stuff rained out of the sky," Fred said. "No one could figure out what it was. Some people thought it was from aliens."  
  
"So in other words, an alien pooped on your head," Toad broke in. " I'm sorry, Lance, that's really rough, yo."  
  
"You people are morons," Lance snapped. " There is no such thing as aliens, and even if there were, they would not fly thousands of light years just to poop on my head."  
  
"Look, whatever it is, let's just get home so you can take a shower, Ok?" Pietro broke in. "As lovely as this conversation is."  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
"You people are the biggest bunch of idiots I have ever seen," Pietro declared as the Brotherhood boys sauntered into their wreck of a house.  
  
"I'm telling you, Pietro, it's true!" Fred insisted. "My uncle Joe Bob really did get abducted by aliens. He said they drilled holes in his teeth just before probing him."  
  
"Fred, the only thing that's been abducted here is your brain."  
  
"Will the two of you shut up and let me get by!" Lance snapped. "I gotta go take a shower."  
  
"Hey you guys," Wanda said as she came down the stairs, obviously in one of her better moods. "What's going on?" She paused. "Or do I not want to know?"  
  
"Hey Baby cakes!" Todd grinned. "An alien pooped on Lance's head is all. He's just gonna go wash it out."  
  
Wanda blinked at him. "Ok, so I didn't want to know."  
  
"Don't listen to him, sis," Pietro said as he raced up the steps to where Wanda stood. "He's a moron. Lance just got some kind of weird purple goo in his hair somehow."  
  
"Weird purple goo, huh?" Wanda commented. "Sounds kind of like the stuff Agatha used to keep in her basement. Let me see."  
  
Lance sighed as the teen witch examined the top of his head. After staring at it for a minute, her brow furrowed. Slowly, she leaned in and sniffed his hair.  
  
"Hey!" Lance cried. "What are you doing? You're invading my personal space!"  
  
"Lance," Scarlet Witch asked, her voice full of disbelief, "How did you manage to accidentally get covered in hair dye?"  
  
Lance's face paled a bit. "HAIR DYE!" he yelped. "There's purple hair dye in my hair? I'M GONNA HAVE PURPLE HAIR!?"  
  
"No," Wanda replied calmly.  
  
"Oh- well, good," Lance sighed.  
  
"No, what I mean is, it's not going to be *purple*" Wanda continued. "The mixed dye is almost never the same color as the results. How long has it been in?"  
  
"Maybe twenty minutes," Pietro answered. "Can he wash it out?"  
  
Wanda shook her head. "What we *can* do is evenly distribute it so that he doesn't wind up with a big, off color splotch on the top of his head. Come on Lance." She led the older boy over to the couch and began to spread the goop over the rest of his head. "If worse comes to worse, we could always dye it brown tomorrow."  
  
"How do you know so much about hair dye?" Pietro asked.  
  
Wanda smirked. "Remember when we were seven, and you woke up with black hair? You looked kind of like Eddie Munster."  
  
"Oh yeah--- hey, I never got you back for that!" Pietro charged at Wanda, who simply stepped out of the way and allowed him to smack into the wall.  
  
"Can you two please settle your ancient family disputes later?" Lance yelled at them. "I kind of need Wanda's help right now!"  
  
Wanda shrugged. "That's about all I can do. Just let it sit for about fifteen minutes and then go rinse it out. After that, we blow dry it and find out exactly what color you have."  
  
"Look at all the pretty birdies," Pietro said, sprawled on his back and staring up at the ceiling.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Twenty-five minutes later, the Brotherhood was sitting in Lance's room watching Wanda blow dry Lance's hair. Lance was in his jeans, sans shirt, and sighing impatiently. "Well? Can you tell yet?" he asked.  
  
"Umm--- just a minute," Wanda answered. She continued to run a brush through his hair. "Jeez Lance, do you ever use conditioner?"  
  
"Just finish this," he groaned. After about five more minutes of drying and brushing, Wanda finally turned off the hair drier. "I'm done," she said.  
  
"Well?" Lance asked. "How does it look?"  
  
The three boys sat across the bed from him with stoic faces. Toad was the first to let go. First a goofy grin made it's way to his face, and then a snicker escaped his lips. Pietro followed suit, and within seconds, all of them, Wanda included, were doubled over on the floor laughing.  
  
"What!?" Lance yelped. "Shut up! Where's a mirror?!"  
  
None of the Brotherhood could manage to answer him, so he jumped off the bed and grabbed the mirror that Pietro had left in his room.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
"I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this!" Lance hissed through clenched teeth as the Brotherhood gang made their way through the mall.  
  
"Oh, get off it, yo!" Toad said. "It ain't *that* bad. Besides, how were we going to get you a hat if we didn't go to the mall?"  
  
"Oh, shut up," Lance pouted. He was currently walking behind Fred, trying to keep out of view. Self consciously, he reached up and ran a hand through his hair, now a deep reddish-copper color. It was a vast improvement from the night before, when his hair had been so bright red, it almost made him look like Ronald McDonald. Unfortunately, the brown hair dye that Wanda had gone out to buy for him did not entirely cover up the red; in fact, his hair was still more reddish than brown. Wanda told him he was lucky that it had worked as well as it did.  
  
"Hey Kurt, check it out! What do you think Carrot Top is doing in our mall?"  
  
Lance froze. Just over to his left he caught sight of a flash of red shades.  
  
"SUMMERS! YOU DID THIS! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Lance screamed out, throwing himself at Scott and Kurt, who ran off in a fit of laughter.  
  
"Do you think we should help him, yo?" Toad asked, as he watched Lance take off after the two X Men.  
  
"THIS MEANS WAR!" Lance's voice echoed down the mall and back to the Brotherhood.  
  
"Nah," Pietro said. "He'll calm down eventually. You know what they say about red heads and their fiery tempers."  
  
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So, that's chapter one. Should I continue? Maybe get revenge on another Brotherhood member? Review and let me know.  
  
-KS_fan.  
  
Ps. At the moment, my hair is also a deep reddish-copper color, but it's my own fault, not the X Men's. 


End file.
